And Then, I Saw You
by Peijiii
Summary: The story of Victor telling Yuuri of his life before meeting him for the first time: After countless heartbreak by people whom only lust after him rather than love him, Victor is sick of greedy intentions and would rather live with his own lonliness, but meeting Yuuri could give him a change of heart...


"Yuu~ri~" 

"Hmmn?"

"You're making that face again," Victor said with a small frown. His chin rested in the palm of his hand as he balanced his upper half on his elbow to stare into his fiance's eyes. Yuuri avoided his gaze as he laid on his back, burrowing himself into the blankets and squinting at the ceiling above - he was nearly blind without his glasses anyways.

"Yuuri," Victor said more sternly, reaching out with his left hand to poke Yuuri in the forehead between his furrowed brow.

"Please, we've talked about this. You're making the face again."

His accusation seemed to only make Yuuri slide further down into the duvet, covering the lower half of his face with the edge and closing his eyes in response to Victor's poking.

Victor sighed, his tone softening as he ran his finger down his beloved's temple, gently sliding his fingers across his soft cheeks, before finally running his thumb across his slightly chapped lips.

"Yuuri, you have to talk to me if there's something bothering you, you're мое солнце - my sunshine, and what is it that's clouding your head, my love?"

Yuuri's eyes slowly began to open at the gentle words, a slight heat of embarrassment rising to his cheeks as he timidly turned his head towards Victor.

"If there's something worrying you, if I'm to blame, I want to eradicate any form of doubt in your mind." Victor said, with a small encouraging smile as he moved his hand to Yuuri's cheek.

Yuuri placed his fingers over his fiance's own before speaking softly.

"It's...it's not...not you," he struggled - he always struggled to speak when something was causing him emotional distress, and Victor listened intently to the language not originally his own as he spoke in choppy sentences, words running together.

"It...it's...b-b-because ofm-me." Yuuri's chest began to heave, his eyes watering and his lips pressing tightly together as he tried to keep himself together.

"'S my fault...it's because I do-don't h-have the conf'ence enough." he started gasping, tears running down his cheeks as he tried to breathe. Victor brushed them away gently, lifting himself up into a sitting position and leading Yuuri to do the same.

"Yuuri. Yuuri, my love, I'm here. I'm listening." he said softly, bringing his crying fiance to his chest in a warm embrace that was gladly taken.

Running one hand through Yuuri's hair and the other in soothing circles on his back, he let Yuuri cling to him tightly, desperately, his form shaking and heaving as he coughed and gasped as he sobbed. Victor didn't ask him any questions - he merely hummed and whispered lullabies from his childhood as he let the wave pass; Yuuri told him that he had always loved the way Russian sounded ever since he had started following Victor as a child. It was as if it calmed him, taking him out of whatever tangle of thoughts he was trapped in in his head.

Yuuri had always let small things tug at his heart in silence, pulling and weighing him down one by one, until the weight of a million tiny instances - be them things he said, small mistakes he made, everyday occurrences that others would just simply overlook - they devoured him and his peace of mind, until the tiniest of incidents made him collapse under the weight in his heart.

Humming. Rubbing. Rocking. Victor waited until Yuuri's coughs and gasps had begun to subside, but even when there was silence he did not pull him away to look at him. He held his love in the same warm embrace - the safe place that he always wanted to be able to provide for him in his lowest moments.

"Пусть всегда будет солнце... (may there always be sunshine...) Пусть всегда будет небо (may there always be blue skies)…"

"Victor?" Yuuri whispered after some time.

"Yes, Yuuri?" Victor said softly, pressing his cheek into his fiance's lean shoulder.

"'M sorry...I...I'm always like this." He said, sounding defeated.

"Always like what exactly, love?" Victor said, kissing his shoulders, trailing his collarbones with his lips, his throat moving against his forehead as he spoke.

"I'm always...always just, doubting myself. I wish that I was confident like you. I just...don't like the way I look, and you always look so...you that...sometimes," he paused, pulling away from Victor's gentle shows of affection, his eyes downcast.

"Sometimes I'm just, scared...scared that someone as great as you is stuck just...settling for someone like me." his lips began to tremble at his last word, his already blurred vision swimming with new tears as he stared down at his upturned hands.

"No."

Victor grabbed Yuuri's hands firmly, bringing them to his chest and pulling him close until the tips of their noses were nearly touching.

"Look at me." he said firmly, almost with anger, Yuuri would have said, if not for the startling sadness in his clear blue eyes.

"It would be completely outrageous, no, absolutely absurd if someone were to think that I was too good for you. Yuuri, no, calm down, I'm not angry." he said, seeing panic flood back into his fiance's eyes.

"I'm not angry at you for doubting yourself - I just...I can't even begin to understand why you would think something like this, Yuuri? Based on physical appearance alone? Or is it my personality? Yuuri." he removed his hands from Yuuri's wrists, now white from his tight grip, and placed his hands on either side of his round flushed face.

"Yuuri. I love you, because you are you. And I have never, and will never, love anyone else, but you, simply because of the fact that you are Katsuki Yuuri." Now, to Yuuri's surprise, tears began falling down Victor's cheeks in frustration. It was only the second time in his life he had ever seen the man cry.

Yuuri sniffed, his face warm with embarrassment again, fidgeting out of a nervous habit rather than the desire to get away.

"But what is so great about Katsuki Yuuri, huh, Victor?" he wiped his nose on the back of his hand, but Victor did not move.

"Do you want me to tell you, why it is that I fell in love with Katsuki Yuuri?" Victor whispered.

"It's because I saw something in you that I had never seen, and have yet to see, in anyone else I've ever met in the entire world."


End file.
